Finland

The 10 Step Guide to Date Finnish Women

Just Google Finnish women and you will find all of these guys who give tips on dating them. Clearly, Finns are on demand. And who’s to blame them?

These women are gorgeous, they are very smart, and they also make for some of the smoothest, most carefree relationships (mostly because they don’t buy into the usual BS and drama Cosmopolitan magazine feeds them).

But hey, let’s slow down for a second and consider the actual steps for dating Finnish women. How do you meet them? Where would you take her out? How do you impress her? What are the do’s and don’t’s of dating in Finland? T

hese are all legitimate concerns for foreigners, especially if this is your first time experiencing Nordic culture.

Thankfully, you have us to guide you. Read on for the step-by-step guide to dating beautiful Finnish women!

Step 1: Get To Know The Type

Finnish girls are decidedly different from what you’re used to in the US or the South of Europe. They are a lot more level-headed and a hundred times less emotional.

In some ways, dating Finnish women can feel like dating another dude (but with the benefit of, you know, her actually belonging to the gender that you’re attracted to).

You can be completely passive (as most local guys are) and still end up with a date. Finnish girls aren’t afraid of asking men out.

There is zero stigma around who asks whom and even less slut-shaming tendencies in the community. Basically, as long as you are above the age of consent and everyone’s doing stuff that they are comfortable with, nobody judges what others do.

And yes, this does have the downside of making long-term relationships more difficult. Finnish women are smart, well-read, they have traveled and explored a lot. They are not so big on settling down – even in their late 20’s they prefer to play the field and just keep enjoying life.

Step 2: Know What You Want

You will find an abundance of fling opportunities just by hanging out in Finland. There is no need to memorize weird pickup lines or practice the art of creepily getting close to her as she’s dancing in the club.

If a Finnish girl finds you attractive, she will show it  -either by smiling at you, waving, or coming over.

If you are looking for wife material over casual hookup, though, the game is a lot different. Usually, you’d want to move to online dating agencies who pick out the relationship-minded women for you.

The sad reality is that most Finnish girls are not like this. While I’d much rather meet a girl in a natural way, ultimately the chances are very low.

We have done our fair share of reviews on Finnish dating sites in the past. You can check them out here. My personal favorite is…

Step 3: How To Impress Her (Physically)

Have you seen Finnish men? They are some fine specimen – tall, muscular, and blonde. But the good news is that you might have a better shot at Finnish women than them.

Why?

Because objective “attractiveness” does not exist.

Come again?

Yes, it’s something very few men (and women) realize. How attractive women perceive you are not dependent solely on your jaw definition and muscle mass. In fact, I can prove that with a little anecdote.

I was recently in this amazing 5-day soft skill training experience. It’s the perfect environment for a hookup – you’re with other young and attractive people, the training themselves makes you emotionally vulnerable, and you are staying overnight so there is plenty of space for you to…

Anyhow, the guy who got the most action was, objectively, a 5 out of 10 at most. What set him apart was the confidence and the slight “unbothered-ness” that he carried himself with.

I could literally see girls gaping at him. He knew it. And he talked to all the girls, not just the attractive ones, but not outwardly flirting with anyone.

Did he hook up?

Yup, he did. At a training where most of the women were Nordic.

So take this as a pointer on how to be attractive to Finnish women:

  • Confidence, confidence, confidence.
  • Be friendly to everyone, especially to your crush’s friends. It makes her slightly jealous and that’s exactly what you want.
  • Don’t care. Thinking long-term, none of this actually matters. Which is exactly why you shouldn’t care (well that, and the fact that the whole unbothered act is actually very attractive).

Step 4: Know All The Don’t’s

There are some deal-breakers that you should be aware of. I am not saying to change your personality to fit Finnish women’s ideal of a man.

I’m saying that there are certain behaviors to avoid and doing that will make you a lot more successful with girls.

First, and most importantly, you have humility. Typical Finnish women always downplays her accomplishments. When she says she just speaks a bit of French, it could easily mean that she’s fluent.

This is exactly why you should not exaggerate your own skills and interests. If you can only play “Twinkle-twinkle little star” on the flute, don’t say that you’re into music. Modesty is one of the chief qualities Finnish women look for in their men.

Then you have the closed-mindedness. Regardless of what your views are, make an effort to express them in a non-violent way. Shoving your beliefs down people’s throats is hardly the best idea anyway. In the Nordic countries, it’s a major sin. Just don’t.

Take your time, too. Finnish women don’t like to be rushed into relationships. They prefer to take it slow and actually get to know the person. When it comes to the physical stuff, let her take the lead.

Finns are very open and think nothing of a casual fling. At the same time, they do value personal space and invading it will make them feel extremely uncomfortable.

To avoid unpleasant situations, let her make the first moves to break the physical barrier.

Step 5: Asking Her Out

There is a difference between a date and a drunken hookup. Finnish women might be notorious for the latter, but when it comes to dating they are very flaky. To avoid this trap, ask her to a specific location.

For instance, instead of saying “Are you free for drinks on Friday?”, say “Do you want to try this cool new bar with me on Friday?”

In both situations, she might say no because Friday is inconvenient. Putting a place to it, however, makes the no (for scheduling reasons) less of a no. There is still a commitment there.

When you put a place to it, you make it more concrete. If she doesn’t like the bar, she could always suggest a different place. The point is, the asking out becomes more of a plan and less of a casual suggestion.

Finnish women value that (and to be honest, pretty much all other Nordic nations, too).

Step 6: Conversation And Awkward Silences

Pretty much all Nordic nations are notorious for their introversion. It’s not uncommon for couples to just hang out, saying nothing, each on their phone. Is that incredibly boring? You bet it is. It would be up to you to avoid it.

One of the best tips on communication that I’ve personally received is:

Go up to a person with at least three conversation topics in mind.

You might hate the idea at first. Where does all the flow go? What happens to the natural rhythm of a conversation? They are not gone.

These three topics will be your plan B. This way, if the convo does not flow, you are not stuck talking about the weather for 2 hours straight.

Any topic could work here, too. One of the best conversations I had recently was on polyamorous relationships with a person I barely knew.

It was a random get-together, and she just went “Hey, I was recently thinking about open relationships, what’s your take on them?” It wasn’t weird, it wasn’t awkward, and we ended up talking for hours.

Bottom line? Literally, pick any three topics that you’re interested in, so you guys always have something to talk about.

Step 7: Embrace Some Silence, Too

While making an effort to keep the conversation going is always appreciated, you can’t be afraid of a bit of silence. It’s actually a great way to see if you have chemistry. No need to babble on for the entirety of the date.

Steps 8 And 9: The Relationship Question

These go together because… well, we kind of covered relationships, right?

Basically, Finnish women tend to be cautious and not super relationship-minded most of the time. One of the ways around this is to use platforms specifically for people seeking more commitment.

The other is… Waiting. She will come around if she genuinely likes you. Taking your time is better for the relationship in the long run anyway. Enjoy the process.

As for the actual commitment stage, don’t mistake emotional for physical commitment. Open relationships are quite popular in Finland. Discuss the actual meaning of exclusivity and what emotional Vs physical cheating constitutes for each of you.

It’s hardly the most pleasant conversation but it is necessary for a successful relationship.

Step 10: Share Your Thoughts On Finnish Women

Now that you have some pointers, is there anything we missed? Do you have questions, or maybe tips and tricks for dating them? Share them in the comments below!

Arlen Tanner

Arlen is your regular geek-turned-blogger who left the traditional 9 to 5 in the US behind for location independent lifestyle and constant travel. After exploring Eastern Europe first (mainly Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria and Croatia), he settled in the much colder but even more beautiful Scandinavia area since 2016. And he's now here to share with you all the good things about living in the magical 5.

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